


Nighttime Apologies

by realisticromanticbuthopelesslysingle



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-22
Updated: 2015-01-22
Packaged: 2018-03-08 13:58:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3211703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/realisticromanticbuthopelesslysingle/pseuds/realisticromanticbuthopelesslysingle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dealing with Ian's cheating</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nighttime Apologies

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this while sitting in the Doctor's office and thinking about this season's storyline. It probably needs work buy there goes nothing.

“Hey Mick”

Ian’s soft voice sliced through the quiet, tension filled room. Mickey lay on his side facing away from his boyfriend. The realization that Ian had cheated hurt more than he cared to admit. Even though deep down he knew it was a warning sign that Ian was manic and needed help it still stung. Every time he thought about it his brain would immediately flash to the scene at the Alibi. He had risked everything but maybe it was too late, maybe it wasn’t enough.

He felt Ian stiffen beside him and knew he was sad and afraid Mickey wasn’t going to answer. Admittedly, Mickey’s first instinct was to cause pain, not physical but at least emotional. But his head and his heart gave his instinct a knockout punch, and he knew that Ian was hurting too.

He let out a long sigh. “What Ian?”

His tone was harsh, that couldn’t be helped. Of course he still loved Ian but love doesn’t sound the same when it’s mixed in with pain.

Ian’s voice shook as he began to speak.

“I know you’re mad at me, and I know I don’t deserve it but can you please, just once, come and visit me when they lock me away.”

Ian’s voice broke on the last part and though he barely made a sound Mickey knew Ian was sobbing behind him.

The cheating was something that had come to light throughout the process of getting Ian to agree to treatment. Fiona had whispered an apology to Mickey and explained what she knew. She then knelt by Ian and asked if that was really the type of boyfriend he thought Mickey deserved.  That was it. That broke him and he began crying and apologizing to Mickey and saying he would go as long as Mickey didn’t break up with him.

“Ian, why do you think I won’t visit you?”

Mickey felt bad about not turning around to comfort Ian but he still felt something holding him back, not exactly anger but something.

Ian’s wet voice interrupted his thoughts. “Because I hurt you Mick. I know you’re going to break up with me as soon as I get help and I get it, I deserve it. I just…I’m sorry Mickey and I never meant to hurt you. I know it doesn’t mean much now but hopefully I’ll be better when I’m in there. I want to tell you how sorry I am when I’m not going crazy. I want you to know I mean it.”

There is only quiet as tears continue to roll down Ian’s face and Mickey’s heart thumps so hard he’s scared it might burst through his chest. He can’t speak and he recognizes the exact moment that Ian takes his silence as a no. He feels the redhead curl in on himself and can hear his cries intensify.

“I’m sorry Mickey, I’m so so so sorry. I hate me too, I’m so sorry.”

And Mickey will never be able to describe exactly what it was, but something about hearing Ian say those words cracked his anger away.

He turned then and looked at Ian who sobbing into his hands and murmuring apologies.

“Ian” Mickey tried prying his hands away but the other boy resisted, shame and self-hatred making him embarrassed to show his face.

“Ian stop okay, you’re going to make yourself fucking sick. Just…here” Mickey brought his hands up again and was able to pull Ian’s hands away while noticing Ian’s refusal to look him in the eye. “Hey look at me.”

Ian still refused but began apologizing again as the tears started once again flowing from his eyes. Mickey sighed but knew how to get what he wanted.

“Babe, look at me.”

Of course he had been right, Ian’s eyes snapped to him the moment those words were uttered.

Mickey smiled “Ian, I don’t hate you. I could never hate you…I love you too much for that. I’m fucking pissed, of course, and mad as hell, and…fuck me I guess maybe even hurt. But I will never hate you and I will never let you hate yourself. “

“But Mickey”

“No Ian, no buts. I’m serious. You're not crazy you know.  You just need something to uh...balance you out.  We’re not breaking up over this. You messed up…fuck yeah you messed up. We’re having a fight but that doesn’t change how either of us feel.”

Ian nodded and with a shaky voice said, “So you’ll come visit me?”

“Don’t be stupid man; of course I’m coming to visit you. And not just once either, every fucking chance those doctors give me I’m coming.”

Ian’s tears started again but this time his words were clear.

“Thank you Mickey, I love you so much and I am so sorry.”

“I know Ian.”

They lay there looking at each other for a few minutes before he felt Ian’s feet shifting back and forth. It was something Mickey had noticed he did subconsciously when he was anxious, no matter how strong he pretended to be the foot shuffle always told Mickey he was anxious

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, what do you mean?”

“You’re nervous Ian, I can tell, so what is it?”

Mickey held his ground while Ian nervously looked around before answering.

“I just, I know you’re still mad and I get it. I just…”

Mickey waited while Ian worked up his nerve, as the younger boy fidgeted the older suddenly realized what was wrong. He gently moved Ian’s arms open and scooted closer while wrapping his arms around Ian’s back, letting Ian know it was okay to hug him.

Without missing a beat Ian latched on and squeezed him tight, whispering I love you’s over and over.

 

***

 

The next day Ian’s entire Gallagher/Ball/Milkovich support group gathered to say by as he checked into the hospital.

His boyfriend held his hand the entire way there, walked him in, and made sure he was the last goodbye. It was more than Ian had expected and honestly he was extremely grateful.

He squeezed his hand before speaking. “I love you Mickey, I’m gonna get better and show you how much you mean to me.”

Mickey smirked and nodded before releasing Ian’s hand. He watched as Ian smiled one last time and proceeded to follow the nurse.

He hesitated for only a moment (no way was he saying goodbye to his boyfriend for 30 days with just a hand squeeze) before calling out to Ian.

“Hey, you’re just gonna walk away huh? Get the fuck back here and give me a fucking goodbye kiss.”

The force of Ian running and slamming into his body almost sent them both to the ground. They wrapped their arms around each other and held on tight until the nurse cleared her throat, an unspoken urge for Ian to get moving.

“I love you Mickey.”

“You get your ass in there and figure this shit out and come back to me dammit. I’ll visit you all the time and whatever it takes when you get out we’ll take care of it, just get better Ian. I love you idiot, I need you back with me.”

Mickey’s whispered words had them both gripping each other just a little bit tighter. Ian squeezed Mickey into a hug a little longer before pressing their lips together and finally walking away.

 

Mickey knew things weren’t fixed and he was sure they would have to talk about everything once Ian was better, but for the first time since Ian had come back he felt his body relax. For the first time since the night at the Alibi he felt like he was doing something right.


End file.
